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| User: | onionsoupmix (7003849)  Questions
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| Name: | onionsoupmix | ||||
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| Bio: | I don't usually like writing a lot about my background because then people tend to answer my questions based on their assumptions of where the question is coming from. As in " Oh, I know why she has this issue, let me dismiss it as just an outgrowth of some personal experiences and not a real question." It is true that many questions develop as a result of personal experiences, but I want my questions to be answered based on the truth of the response and not on what would make me feel better in terms of my "so- called" issues. At the same time, I know that when answering questions, it helps tremendously to have some idea about the person's background and knowledge, to know what answers have already been discussed and what to refer to in responding. So here goes : My parents were born in Russia and we moved to a large city with a big immigrant population. I was six and went to public school. After some time, we moved to suburbia and my parents became interested in a private school education for me. After trying out the chabad school for a year, my mother sent me to a modern orthodox school. In retrospect, I rejected the values of that school because of the cultural disconnect. My parents were poor immigrants who were just learning about religion. My classmates lived in mansions and celebrated wedding -style bat mitzvahs. Their religion seemed shallow and hypocritical- in high school it was all about money and boys. Who had a boyfriend ? Whose parents were gone for the weekend ? Their lives seemed materialistic and futile and I fully rejected it. Looking back again, I was probably acutely aware of how different I was from them- the strange little nerdy girl from some far-flung suburb. Better that I reject them first before they reject me. The other option for Judaism was chabad. I dove in head first. Chabad was warm, friendly, insightful. It was okay to be from a strange, immigrant family and it was certainly okay to be poor. Chabad tackled the deep questions : Why are we here ? What is the purpose of the world ? And it seemed that every high school kid knew the basic answers : laasos dira batachtonim- to make a dwelling place for Hashem in this world. I went to camp Emunah for several summers in a row. I met people who seemed more innocent, more sincere in their love for G-d, in their committment to the truth. At the end of high school, I left my little home town and moved to New York to live in Crown Heights and go to Beis Rivkah Seminary. It was difficult to adjust, but I did. I found a group of lively, friendly girls from England and found my "clique". We were energetic, enthusiastic and did our best to disrupt seminary lessons. But we were good girls. We said our chitas every day. We ran to 770 when the Rebbe was coming out for mincha. We never watched videos or went to movie theaters or wore skirts above our knees. I thrived in this environment. Even when seminary was over and my father insisted that I attend college at Barnard, my friends still accepted me and I continued to be part of their group. College was, of course, a hotbed of evil liberal philosophy. Birth control, immodesty and even homosexuality were accepted as "the norm". Condoms were distributed on campus and everyone knew what dental dams were for. But this did not surprise me. What did shock me was the complete lack of questioning, of debate. Why is abortion always okay ? Why did the DSM-III change its position on homosexuality as an illness ? Why is it okay to play G-d and decide which babies will be born when ? No one asked these questions and it seemed that these college students around me were the sheep, the blind sheep led by the all-knowing professors whom no one questioned. And I did. I developed a reputation for arguing in class, for championing the conservative, right-wing position, for defending the archaic, traditional mode of practice. Sadly, this new persona of me as a skeptic, always challenging what someone else accepts, continued and now turns back on itself. Why does no one around me question their right-wing beliefs ? Why is abortion always evil in frumkeit and why is feminism a taboo word in ultra-orthodox circles ? Why does no one question the rabbis ? In the mean time, between college and now, I got married, had four kids (!), moved out of Crown Heights, completed a degree in school psychology and now live in a large Midwestern city with a huge Orthodox population. My religious beliefs disintegrated over the last few years to the point where I keep everything, or mostly everything, but believe nothing. I keep shabbos, kashrus,etc. I wear skirts and mostly tznius blouses. I cover my hair and usually wear a sheitel. We eat only Cholov Yisroel and we cover our entire kitchen with silver foil for pesach. And yet, I am at the point where I don't know if I believe in the Torah. Meaning that I question whether the Torah as interpreted by orthodoxy is the way that G-d truly wants us to live. This blog is an attempt to think through some of my questions and ask for your thoughts. Thanks for reading this. | ||||
| Pictures: | over 30 public | ||||
| Interests: | 40: adhd, adoption, africa, ayn rand, bipolar disorder, chabad, children, depression, disabilities law, education, epilepsy, feminism, gifted children, harry potter, human rights law, iq tests, judaism, law, law and religion, lubavitch, modern orthodoxy, naomi ragen, orthodox judaism, orthodoxy, parenting, pat conroy, poverty, psychology, questions, reading disabilities, relational aggression, response-to-intervention, russian adoption, school psychology, skeptics, special education eligibility, special education law, teaching, tova mirvis, women rabbis | ||||
| Schools: | None listed | ||||
| Friends: | |||||
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| Member of: | 2: paidmembers, ru_apikoires | ||||
| Account type: | Paid Account | ||||
